Could Have Been
by JAT.NJ
Summary: It made him angry that Kara now wanted with another man what she could have had with him. But anger hadn't gotten them anywhere, had it?


**Just a quickie to help feed my Kara/Lee obsession.**

**Spoilers for whole series I guess. Some pre-mini speculations. **

**I don't own the characters but I love them like they were mine.**

**"Could Have Been"**

Lee watched her sleep like he often did on nights when she wasn't wracked by nightmares.

He was thankful for nights like this. She looked calm and peaceful. Like they had just made love and she was snuggled safely in his arms, content with the world.

That was his favorite day dream. A calm and peaceful Kara, his best friend, lover, wife and mother of his children, wrapped safely in his loving arms after slow and passionate sex. Their life together is simple. She raises horses on their ranch and he runs the bar that they bought after they resigned from the fleet. And everything is perfect.

"See how easy it can be, Kara?" he whispered.

But it wasn't easy. It was never easy with Kara.

It could have been easy at the academy, at War College and at Officers Candidate School. They were best friends and frak buddies and could have easily been more. But she was wild and unpredictable and he was superficial. Any girl he officially dated had to be eye candy but they were usually vapid and dull. Kara was fun and interesting. She challenged him physically and mentally, at school, in the air and in bed. Yet, it wasn't until they graduated and were given different commissions that he realized he loved her. He couldn't stop thinking about the color of her hair, the shape of her mouth, her laugh.

He tried to tell her but by then she was dating his kid brother so he kept his mouth shut. And though Zack had been dead for over two years now, they couldn't let that pass between them. He couldn't get over the thought that he'd be betraying his brother in some way if he and Kara started something. And he knew she couldn't forgive herself for passing Zack in Basic Flight. A decision that had gotten him killed. She didn't want anyone else to forgive her either so she wouldn't let him get close to her, wouldn't let him hold her and comfort her after the funeral, wouldn't talk to him about her pain.

She didn't understand that he couldn't forgive her for Zack's death because he had never blamed her for it. He had blamed his father because he infected them with his enthusiasm for flying so that the only thing they ever thought of becoming were viper pilots. But now that the worlds had ended, none of it seemed important anymore. Zack was dead and buried on a planet that no longer existed for them.

It could have been easy in this new life after the holocost, but she was cold and abrasive towards him because she was angry that he had abandoned his father. She was insubordinate - constantly challenging his authority in front of the pilots and deck crew. He was usually able to handle her while still maintaining his dignity, except for the night she punched him and he had punched her back. He felt really bad about that. He deserved her punch for shoving her sex life in her face. She didn't deserve his. He knew she regretted sleeping with the Vice President but he was jealous and angry at himself for not bringing her home that night, so he took it out on her. She was remorseful and he was unforgiving.

He tried to bridge the gap between them. Tried to open the doors she had closed to him. He had kissed her then desparately searched her face for a sign that they could be something, but she didn't give him one. He told her that he loved her, hoping it had come off casually, as if he loved her like a friend, because he didn't want to scare her off. She made a grade school joke out of it. It seemed like she had closed another door to him. This one was marked "Samuel Anders." She had confided to Helo that she was planning to go back to Caprica to rescue him whether the Old Man and the President approved it or not. To his credit, Helo hadn't ratted her out.

He had overheard some of their conversations. Bits and pieces really, but enough that when they were put together with the official report, told him all he needed to know.

It made him angry that Kara now wanted with anotherman what she could have had with him. But anger hadn't gotten them anywhere, had it?

"Just come back to me alive."


End file.
